Many of Ireland's famous buildings, like Croke Park, are lighting up orange today in solidarity with Cycle Against Suicide.
But to me, suicide is personal.
My depression brought with it suicidal thoughts.
There were times when I wished my life would end. There were times when I wanted to pick up that knife or those tablets or walk in front of that car. There were times when I tried to end it all.
I didn't think of suicide as a selfish act at the time. I couldn't think of anything other than how worthless I was. I tried to rationalise it, embed it with logic - No one will miss me. No one will notice. Now's exactly the right time. Don't wait any longer. They'll be better off without me.
When I look at how suicide has affected me in the years since, I see how wrong I was. I've felt the loss of people I knew, people I barely knew, and some I didn't know at all to suicide. And every single one of them hurt me.
The theme of this World Suicide Prevention Day is reaching out and saving lives. So today I'm reaching out to myself. I'm making my own pledge. I'm pledging to live with a Letter to my Future Self.
I know things don't seem okay right now. I know you are down and feeling defeated, but I'm here to remind you that you are strong. That you have felt like this before, and you got through it. That you can get through it again.
