The Luxury of Feeling Unmotivated Part 2

Last month I blogged about not having the ‘Luxury of Feeling Unmotivated’ anymore. It can be a struggle as an adult when you can no longer spend the day feeling totally mopey. You have responsibilities. You have a job.  

And sure, there are benefits and drawbacks of having to go to work rather than pulling the duvet covers back up.

For one thing, I thrive on keeping busy. Without responsibilities, a to-do list, motivation to get me out of bed and off my bum I crumble. That’s what happened to me last Christmas.

But some days I feel like I’m about to burn out. (Sometimes I do burn out, and my stress makes me sick – physically I mean, not just my mental health). Some days I wish I could abandon my responsibilities and stay in bed, roll over and binge watch Netflix until I get lost in so much narrative I forget why I feel so crap. And sometimes I want to take the day off just so I can remember how to feel things.

But which is best? Staying under the covers or having to leave the house?

Both have their merits.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

If you leave your bed and duvet behind you still have to deal with the emotions. Forcing yourself to work when your depression is sneaking up behind you and tapping you on the shoulder every few minutes isn’t easy. You can’t concentrate on what you’re being paid to do. You feel like a waste of space, and a waste of your pay cheque.

The Luxury of Feeling Unmotivated

Here's the thing. When I felt low, down, crap, or even worse than crap in college, I could pull the duvet covers back up over my head and give up on the day.

It was freedom in a sense. Sure I had classes, but those were optional. And if attendance counted, they were only a minor few marks. You could easily convince yourself they didn't matter for the moment. Technically I had no commitments, no responsibilities. And I MISS THAT.

Being all grown up is fantastic. But this is one thing I definitely miss.

You see, there have been days when I have felt that 'even worse than crap' feeling. There are less of them now that it's summer. But they still come.

And no matter how awful I feel, I can't pull those duvet covers back up.

Sure I could call a sick day. One of those infamous 'mental health' days. But that would mean getting out of bed, getting a doctor's note and PROVING I am ill. That's a lot of effort for a depressive to muster.

I don't have the luxury of feeling unmotivated anymore.
I actually used that phrase to somebody recently. They were feeling unmotivated and I replied with 'I don't have the luxury of feeling unmotivated'. It was quite harsh. And not the rallying support I'd usually respond with. But the truth is that I needed to vent. I wished I could have been at home that day. I wished I could have pulled those covers back up.

For me, feeling unmotivated seemed like a luxury. Let me be clear, it's not. It's a symptom of depression. But being able to give in to a lack of motivation is a luxury I miss from my student days.

"The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world"

This week's Monday Motivation is a little different. I wanted to share with you a small collection of my favourite quotes; the ones I find the most inspiring / the ones I feel will help you get through the next week.

I have a quote book, where for years I have been adding sentences, paragraphs, entire poems by writers and historians and public speakers. I love reading through it and feeling motivated, connected and empowered.

Here are my hand-picked favourites from the collection:

No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but yourself. – Virginia Woolf

Don’t follow your dreams; chase them. – Richard Dumb

The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. – Lemony Snicket

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy. – Cynthia Nelms

If you are going through hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

Never look back unless you are planning to go that way. – Henry David Thoreau

I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question. – Harun Yahya

Discovery exists not in seeking new lands but in seeing with new eyes.  – Marcel Proust

It is neither good or bad, but thinking makes it so. – William Shakespeare

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. – Albert Einstein

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. – Louisa May Alcott

What lie behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have a great week.