The 8th amendment is a mental health issue

Tomorrow, I'll begin work on a mental health awareness campaign for another year. The aim is to wear a symbol of support and hope; show a willingness to talk about mental health and end the stigma around mental illness. But this May the message could easily be lost amongst terms like '1 in 5', 'My Body My Choice' and 'Repeal the 8th'.

You see May is also about another huge issue in Ireland – Repealing the 8th amendment of the Irish Constitution to allow for legislation to be brought forward for access to abortion. At the moment, a woman in Ireland can only access an abortion if there medical practitioners agree that their is an immediate risk to her health. As a result, roughly 9 women travel from Ireland to the UK for an abortion EVERY DAY, and another 3 women order pills online each day.

Both issues will be competing for national attention during the month of May. But to me both issues are inextricably linked.

You cannot support a woman’s mental health by forcing her to travel abroad for help and support.

You are not protecting a woman’s mental health by forcing her to take abortion pills alone, in secret.

Support for mental health includes promoting a person’s autonomy. Allowing them to make the decisions they need to make for both their physical and mental health with help, care and support. You hear a lot about self care in the field of mental health, but by restricting a person’s choices, you’re not supporting them.

By forcing someone to remain pregnant against their will, you’re detrimentally damaging their mental health and causing emotional distress. By calling them criminals, you’re chipping away at their mind and sense of self.

If you are someone who is already struggling with a mental illness, the 8th amendment means your only option is to keep the baby, or seek illegal help. At a time when your number one focus should be looking after yourself and recovering, you now have the added pressure of pregnancy with no choices or other options freely available.

The lack of safe and accessible abortion has been linked to increased risk of suicide. By denying them a choice, girls and women can feel left without options or without hope.

• PS. There is no correlation between abortion and increased mental health problems.
• Research stating abortion damages a person’s mental health or causes mental illness has been proven to be unfounded and inaccurate.
• Research actually proves no link between having an abortion and developing mental health difficulties. (Source) 
• This one’s been fact checked by enough journos thanks very much. 

Keeping the 8th means forcing women to try to access the care and support they need in secret and in fear. For those who can afford to travel, it comes with a huge price tag - one that could take weeks of saving to get to, or growing debt to repay after. Debt is a well-known contributor to mental health problems.

From Chris Noone

Keeping the 8th means forcing women to carry a fatal foetal abnormality to term, despite the heartache and severe mental toll it entails to know your baby isn’t going to survive. These are much wanted babies, but rather than allowing women to try again, they're forced to stay pregnant.

Keeping the 8th means forcing rape victims to carry the product of their rape for nine months. Pro-lifers call this ‘healing’, I call it traumatic mental torture.

Keeping the 8th means forcing a woman to remain pregnant unless a number of medical professionals agree that her life is at immediate risk (e.g. when a woman is about to take her own life). Keeping the 8th often means forcing a woman to suicide.

Abortion is a reality for Irish women – it’s happening both on our shores and abroad. But keeping it illegal means that you don’t value a woman’s physical or mental health. It means that you're denying her proper and safe medical supervision, aftercare and support. It means you’d rather see a woman suffer than make a decision you don't personally agree with.

But because she suffers in silence, you can pretend that it’s not happening. You can pretend that you don’t know a woman this has affected. That her forced pregnancy ‘helped her’. That she's okay now. That there are no mental effects of this. But she aches and she hurts.

Beibhinn Farrell, a psychotherapist, says this all much better than I ever could in her post 11 reasons why saving the 8th does not protect women or babies based on scientific facts.

The referendum on repealing the 8th amendment is taking place on 25 May. Make sure you're eligible to vote by 8 May at Check the Register.

Find out more about the campaign to repeal the 8th from Together for Yes.

Find out more about how the 8th amendment affects mental health from Psychologists for Choice.

What I've been up to

I haven't visited my blog once in the past six weeks. There's been zero blog posts, few updates on Twitter and, to be honest, no motivation whatsoever to lay any thoughts down in writing. After a January & February full of blogging inspiration, my motivation died a quick and painful death on 1st March.

I haven't had the energy to write. Or the head space to think about writing. No ideas popped into my head. There was no advice or tips I wanted to share. I was just trying to get by, and daily life took over.

And yesterday, while pottering around my desk and doing some tidying up, I decided to write and share what's been going on in my head over the past six weeks.

*Here's the thing about blogging and running your own little part of the Internet. It's fun and therapeutic and you meet incredible like-minded people, but it can also bring stress and a sense of responsibility. My silence over the past six weeks made me feel like a failure at times, and I criticised myself harshly for not being able to write. I felt guilty for running out of meaningful things to say when it comes to mental health. But, I also know that it's MY little part of the Internet. I should be able to write and take breaks, and come back refreshed, when I want, without any sense of guilt. It should be okay to step away if that's what you need at any time. So while I want to fill you in on what's been happening over the past few weeks, I also know that I will no doubt dip in and out of the blog in future. This has never been a full-time gig for me; I've gained nothing from my writing other than clearing my head and gaining your support in response. So thank you, but please be patient with me.*  

So here's an update on what I've been up to for the past six weeks: 

Trapped for four days in intense Storm Emma.

There's a lot to say for fresh air, space and sunshine for your mental health. Being trapped with 25 kids for four days was a new experience, and at times suffocating. During the storm I needed a break away from people to clear my head, and so started my gradual shift away from social media and the blog. It was a much needed time out. But when the storm ended, I found I still needed space.

Avoided Social Media
Lately, social media, but particularly Twitter, has been difficult for me to use. The trolls got to me and I found myself suffocating beneath their vile. Whether it's vulgar discussions about rape trials, or cruel comments about murderous women who want an abortion, I couldn't take it anymore. My mental health was taking a hit.So I took a step back and stopped logging into the app. And it was good for the soul. Instead, I exercised, caught up on TV shows, and read loads of books. I had me time, and I'm so grateful for the space staying off social media gave my head.


Started tracking my mental health

On 1st April, I decided to start keeping track of my moods and feelings on a daily basis. I'd been promising myself for months that I would start doing this, but the time finally felt right. I found this fab template on Pinterest and printed out a couple of copies for the next few months.
At the end of every day I would colour in a segment of the circle with the colour that matched how I'd felt that day. The results surprised me. I'd expected a lot more sadness; partially because that's still how I see myself -- 'Sad Zoe'. The number of days where I was feeling content or happy, and just generally not tired/sick or sad without reason, made me realise that the time is right to start talking to my doctor about coming off my medication.

Talked about abortion a lot
Ireland's upcoming referendum to remove the 8th amendment from our constitution has been the only thing I've been able to talk about since the date was set. The 8th amendment equates the life of the unborn to that of the mother's, restricting access to abortion in Ireland under any circumstance, unless a woman can be proven to be suicidal. As a result, abortion in Ireland has been exported abroad, primarily to England, or imported in the form of illegal abortion pills. This referendum is our chance to finally repeal such a discriminatory law, and its injustice is all I've been able to talk about to friends, family and coworkers. This must obviously make me a bore, but I've decided to put my money and my time where my mouth is. I've donated to the campaign, bought from the shop, and have signed up to start volunteering and canvassing to secure a YES vote on May 25th.

Been on holiday to Malaga 

And amidst all of this, I took a four day holiday to Malaga. It was an incredible city break with sunshine and castles and the beach in a city I didn't know. I spent time exploring and just soaking up the atmosphere, eating tapas and drinking ridiculously cheap wine. Perhaps this is the break I needed to spark my writing?

Until next time, and hopefully it won't be so long,

My February mental health victories

February has come to an end. It was a month of highs and lows, and my mental health took a few hits along the way. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed, days where I canceled plans, and days where I had to push through a mental block and felt the better for doing it. But today I want to look back on my month and celebrate the little things that went right - my mental health victories.

I went to a Step class
In my February mental health plan I said I wanted to try new classes at my gym. So I was brave, and on the very first day of the month I went to my first ever Step class. It was so much fun, and a super tough workout. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make it back for a second one, but I can't wait to go back and step in March!

Gratitude Jar
I also set myself the challenge of filling a gratitude jar of things to be grateful for every single day of the month. And I did it! I have 28 reasons to be thankful this month, and each gratitude is a memory to look back on as well.

Got outside
Popular advice for helping your mental health. I'm really bad at taking this advice, but I did manage to grab some fresh air. I had the most amazing snow day at home with my pets. This was all the more special as it had been six weeks since I'd been home to see my family. I had another beautiful snow day in Dublin (there was a lot of snow in February)

I kept up my writing
After neglecting my blog last year and almost giving up, I was a bit worried January's blog enthusiasm would be short lived. But I kept writing and, even better, I keep coming up with ideas for future blog posts. Blogging regularly has been a real source of pride for me this month, so thank you all for caring enough about what I say to make this hobby worthwhile.

Collaging
This month I have enjoyed channeling my creative side by making the time to collage. I've always loved scrapbooking and making collages, so I love that I've rediscovered this hobby. One of my creations from this month was an autumnal themed page below.

Until next time and next month,

Positive thinking won't cure your depression

"Also, I was in possession of a positive outlook, which is just a trick whereby you convince yourself that the desolution of your world is a phase in your personal growth. The weird thing is it works." - Sam Lipsyte 'The Fun Parts'

I've just finished another self-help book that promises to hold the keys to findings happiness. And it got me thinking.

One of the most annoying and frequent things you hear when you have depression and anxiety is “Don’t be so negative.” Or maybe you hear “look on the Brightside.”

I get it; I’m not the most optimistic person on the planet. I don’t gush about making the most of all opportunities or finding the one good thing in a shitty situation. And I never will. I consider myself more of a realist if I’m honest.

Now I don’t know about you, but despite being told to be more positive on countless occasions and trying not to think that the worst may happen, I’m still depressed and anxious.

You see, I think positive thinking is overrated. It’s lauded as the saviour to mental health problems, when in reality it’s more like slapping a mentally ill person across the face with the false promise of the happiness they could have had if their brain was wired differently.

Positive thinking will not cure your mental illness. But that’s not to say it doesn’t have its benefits.

I did fall victim to the self-help cult of positivity. I thought that if I read enough books on the subject I would absorb at least a little bit of optimism and happiness. I can’t say I didn’t learn anything, but I certainly didn’t learn how to stop being depressed.

Over three years ago, when my depression first started to ease and I could smile and laugh and feel happiness again, I decided to start reading every self-help book I could get my hands on. I wanted this feeling to last, I wanted my mental illness to stay in ‘recovery’, not to be a daily struggle. So I read and tried to put what I read into practice.

I focused on building resilience. How to make myself stronger in the face of depression and anxiety. I was forging armour for the next time I had to go into battle with my mind.

I learned that I have negative thinking patterns, and spiralling thoughts. And I learned how to challenge negative intrusive thoughts. This is important and a huge skill. But self-help books are all too rarely written from the perspective of someone who has a mental illness. 

And often these skills fail you when you need them most.

When my depression returned to smother me, when I curled up in bed with a self-inflicted migraine and dreaded the next day - telling myself to 'think positively’ didn’t help. When I felt anxious and scratched myself enough to break the skin on my arms, I couldn’t challenge those negative thoughts. When I felt the weight of my mental illness on my shoulders, I felt guilty for not being the positive, happy person those self-help books were supposed to make me.

But yesterday when I was sitting in the canteen in work and thought, “Everyone here must hate me” I could challenge that thought and rationalise how illogical that EVERYONE hates me. Maybe one or two don’t like me, but they probably don’t care enough to hate me.

Positive thinking is something we should be doing every day - not only as a last resort. It’s one of the many coping skills you learn on the path to recovery. But we also should think twice about shoving positivity down the throats of people with mental illness. It’s not always helpful, and can cause more harm than good.

Until next time,

Are We Happy Yet? Another self-help book promising the keys to happiness

Are We Happy Yet? 8 Keys to a Joyful Life

I've just finished reading Are We Happy Yet? by Lisa Gypes Kamen, yet another self-help book that I thought could teach me the magic skill of rewiring my brain for happiness.

I had high hopes for Are We Happy Yet?. Gypes Kamen reveals early on in the book that she's had her own mental health battles. Self-help books from the perspective of someone who has battled depression are all too rare. I thought that finally, I had found a book written with mental illness and depression in mind. Finally a book that didn't say I should just think positively and think happy thoughts to be happy.

“As a reformed depressed person, I did not wander into my happy place. There was a personal evolution to my happiness revolution.”

The fact that she says 'reformed depressed person' should have been my warning sign that I was wrong.

While Gypes Kamen said she wanted to debunk the annoying yellow "smiley face" notion of happiness, the book does go there.

Apparently there are eight keys to living a joyful life. Who knew that I just had to do eight things to find happiness! In fact some of the tips contained within the eight keys are quite thought provoking. I particularly found the emphasis on not holding grudges and learning not to complain useful, because I am a serial complainer. It made me think about how I can improve my constant need to complain and whine.

But the book also delivers cheesy self-help jargon like - "Happy people are resilient people", or how you should choose to thrive rather than mainly survive.

I liked that the book was full of practical tools like journaling and writing prompts. Early on you're asked to define your happiness factor - you natural level of happiness - through 65 questions. Similar quizzes are evident throughout the book, but how these can be considered in anyway scientific isn't clear. Readers are also encouraged to build a happiness toolkit, another practical and useful activity.

What I didn't like however, was the notion that you can cultivate happiness by playing happy music (because listening to happy music apparently makes it impossible to feel sad).

If you haven't read a lot of self-help books and want to dip your toe in, Are We Happy Yet? might be for you. It references lots of other books and authors, and the level of topics in there is like multiple self-help books rolled into one.

Are We Happy Yet? got me thinking about happiness in my own life.
Am I doing enough of what makes me happy? And what am I looking for when I read these self-help books promising happiness? But I can't say I feel happier having read it.

Until next time,

**I requested to review Are We Happy Yet? from Netgalley.**   

Why it's okay to put yourself first

Do you ever feel guilty about putting yourself first?

Growing up as kids, we're always told from parents and teachers not to be selfish and to put others before yourself. And it's a great tool to be taught - it helps us make friends and learn about friendship on the playground.

But when you struggle with your mental health, sometimes it's good to be selfish. Sometimes we have to be selfish. And what we've been taught as kids can make us feel guilty and ashamed of this.

Ever made up an excuse to cancel plans with a friend because you didn't feel up for it? 

Or wanted to give up on your to-do plans and just crawl into bed after a day in work or college? 

Or tried to avoid your housemates after a tough day because you don't have the energy for small talk? 

Or felt like you had to lie to your work colleagues when they ask what you did at the weekend, rather than admit to the time you spent doing nothing by yourself?

And if you're like me, you probably felt like a bad person, a weak person and incredibly guilty.

Sometimes I just need a 'me night'. A night away from work, from friends and my partner. A night off from the gym and with nothing on my to-do list. I try to make sure I have at least one night like this a week. And when that evening comes around I do whatever I feel like doing. Whether it's curling up with a cup of tea and Netflix, colouring in or crafting, heading straight for bed at 7pm or maybe spending a few hours stuck in a book. It helps me to recover and rest after a long day. It ensures I can face tomorrow.

On bad weeks when I'm low and struggling with my mental health, sometimes I need two nights. And that's just midweek. I also crave one a night like this on weekends too.

And yes, I have had to cancel plans with friends to get this 'me time'. Usually with the flimsiest of excuses of working late or not feeling well, and then I've felt inadequate when I respond to my work colleagues questions with 'oh, nothing much'.

Sometimes I have to withdraw to look after my mental health. If it prevents me from burning out or breaking down, why should I feel guilty or flawed for that?

Self care is more than making a cup of tea or running a bath.
Often it’s broken down to these small acts. And while small acts are important, self care is so much more than that.

Self care is doing what helps your mental health, what makes you feel better and what allows you to get through another day. Sometimes all you need is a cup of tea. Maybe a chat with a friend. But other times, you need to withdraw and take the time to rebuild your defenses. So say no, take a night off and allow yourself the time and space to heal.

Self care is putting yourself first. You know better than anyone what you need to improve your mental health. It will differ from moment to moment and day to day, but do what your mental health needs. If it's canceling plans or hiding out in your bedroom for a bit, do it. And don't feel guilty or like you're failing as a person for it. It's not selfish to prioritise your mental health over tasks, social events or other people's expectations.

But self care is also making sure that putting yourself first doesn't mean you make a habit of isolating yourself. While I need my one night a week for me, I also know that seeing friends or having a chat with housemates boosts my mood on other days. I don't want to become isolated and cut-off, so I try to find a balance.

It's okay to take time out for you. It's okay to put yourself first, to withdraw for a bit and come back healthier and better able to face the next day.

You matter, so make you and your mental health a priority.

Until next time,

Love yourself this Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and I’m here to say DO NOT LET IT GET YOU DOWN. Whether you are single, broken hearted, or waiting for a match on Tinder, don't let a day about grand romantic gestures and loving another human dictate your self-worth.

Instead, show some love to yourself this Valentine's Day.

One thing I learned during my two years of singledom was that I'd never have a healthy relationship unless I loved myself first, rather than allowing another person's love define me. I had built my mental health around relationships and male approval. In school I felt like a failure for not having kissed a boy, and then for not having a boyfriend, and then for not having sex. When I finally got male attention, I dived straight in.

I had two break ups in my late teens, both leading to breakdowns resulting in self-harm and suicide attempts. While I had depression before and during these relationships, being with someone was the only thing keeping me alive. I had thought my mental illness made me unlovable. And so I felt worthless without a partner because I hadn’t yet learned to love myself.

Three years later and two years of being single and I learned that I was never going to have a truly happy, healthy relationship without learning to like myself when I didn't have a partner around. Over those years I invested time and energy in self-care and building self-esteem. When I finally met someone new, it was because I felt ready to invite someone else into my life. Although I knew I'd still need a lot of self-care and me-time.

Now here I am — 25, in a healthy relationship and happy.

So this Valentine's Day why not work on self-love rather than validation from another person?
Take the time to re-build yourself, feel empowered and loved.

It's time to get cheesy and love yourself.

Here's some of my suggestions for treating yourself this Valentine's Day.

Write yourself a letter
You know how your parents (or grandparents if you're younger than me...) used to write each other love letters when they were courting? Well I think it's adorable and a lost art. Write yourself a love letter this Valentines full of self-praise, encouragement and compliments. Because you are awesome and you deserve to be told so.

Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers

One summer's day a few years ago as I walked past a flower stall on the street, I realised I had always wanted someone to by me flowers. But so far, no one ever had. So I decided to buy myself a sun flower and it felt so good to have a beautiful flower to take home and display. Make a splurge and treat yourself to the bouquet of flowers you've always wanted.

Jar of why you love you
Need a pick-me-up? Why not make a jar of positive reasons you love yourself to look at on your bad days? I washed out and decoupaged an old jam jar (and made it look suitably cheesy), and printed and cut out strips of paper saying 'I love you because....'. Write down as many reasons you love yourself for you (your eyes, how you cope under pressure etc.) that it takes to fill up the jar. And you'll always have them when the going gets tough.

Pamper session
I'm talking fresh sheets on your bed, a bubble bath, face masks, do your nails. Whatever it is that makes you feel more confident in how you look, do it. Body positivity affects mental health, and cultivating a healthy body image is so important. Treat yourself and do what makes you feel good and comfortable in you.

Create a self-care box
A self-care box can be anything you want it to be. All you need is a box, and all the things that bring you comfort and make you feel better. My self-care box contains a journal, some of my favourite herbal teas, a packet of nerds, hot chocolate, a small colouring book and a letter to my future self to read on hard days. Not only is it cute and pretty, but it’s just a relief to know you have a safe place to turn when you’re feeling down. See more on creating a self care box here.

Get an early night

Sleep is underrated. You deserve the best, so get into bed early and catch up on your rest. 

Until next time,