It's been six years since I was labelled 'depressed'

This month marks six years since my diagnosis with depression. And boy has it been a whirlwind of ups and downs, battles, wins and losses. Many of which have been documented on this here blog.

I've graduated from university. Twice.

I've had three internships, one part-time job, and one full-time permanent job.
I'm on my third cat and also gained two dogs.
I've gone from self-harm to self care.
I've been diagnosed with anxiety.
I've faced stigma in the workplace.
I've faced stigma from my peers.
I've stigmatised myself.
I've turned my mental illness into something positive.
I've been interviewed about my mental illness on national TV and in national newspapers.
I've found a positive and supportive relationship.

As I write this, I feel content.
I am happy with where I am in my life. My job. My home. My relationships.
I am happy with what I can see in my future.
I take two types of medication daily.
I have more good days than bad days.
I've found a balance between self care and my commitments. It's not always perfect, but I get there in the end.

I cringe at the word 'recovery'. It's been six years and I am not recovered. Am I in recovery? Maybe. Maybe not.
My mental illness has been a journey. I'm still on this journey.
But I'm still celebrating. The fact that I am still on this journey is a victory.

It's been six years since I was labelled 'depressed'. I've learned to love this label, and everything that it's brought with it into my life. Both the good and the bad. Here's to the next six.

Sorry you think I’m rude but

I'm sorry you think I’m rude but

• I was planning out something to say in my head
• I was feeling self-conscious
• I was thinking about how I’m socially awkward
• I was worrying whether you already didn’t like me
• I didn’t know what to say
• I find it really hard to talk to strangers
• I was worrying about whether you’ve found out I’m mentally ill
• I was wondering if what I just said was stupid
• I was scared I'd say something stupid
• I feel safer on my phone than talking to an actual person
• I had another social interaction earlier today and it did not go well
• I was remembering that mean thing a girl said to me when I was 10
• I feel unworthy of anyone’s attention today
• My chest feels tight and I’m not sure why
• I feel left out
• I know everyone’s talking about me
• I was actually trying not to cry
• I was afraid I would cry

People with mental illness often come across as rude or standoffish. But really, we’re just paranoid and worried about what you think of us. We can be self-conscious and shy. We can act reclusive because we presume no one likes us. Some of us have social anxiety. Talking to strangers, or even people we know well, can cause us anxiety. And sometimes we try to avoid all social interaction because of that.

Please be patient and don’t judge us just yet. It can take us a while to feel comfortable around new people, and to pluck up the courage to smile and talk to you.