Thinking about the future

For many reasons, the future can be scary. We don't know what's to come, or even what to expect. It's full of uncertainty and doubt.

The future can be, and has been for me, a problem for our mental health. Not knowing potential outcomes can lead to overthinking, negative thinking and patterns of self-doubt and criticism.

For a long time, I saw no future for myself. And when I did learn to keep on live, I couldn't see any happiness or success in my future.

But I'm also learning that the future isn't all bad.

Where to go from here?

One of my favourite things about January, is making New Year plans, goals and resolutions. and my bullet journal has come out in force the past week in preparation. So much so, that I've found myself actually looking forward to the year ahead and what it might have in store for me.

I've set myself several goals for the year; without going into specifics they revolve around the themes of self-confidence, budgeting, and upskilling.

And I've established a habit tracker to help me break my bad habits and develop new, better habits (yes, exercise is one of them).

I've been writing down birthdays, concerts, musicals, anniversaries and other upcoming events.

And it's left me this week feeling calm, good about myself, and somewhat like I-may-possibly-have-my-life-together. Possibly.

You see, in the darkness of my depression, during the worst days and the worst years, I couldn't see a future. The thought of one filled me with dread. Because despite everyone saying things do and would get better, I didn't feel it.

It took years of work, hard work of CBT and medication and counselling and the sheer effort of forcing myself to get out of bed and carry on, to change the way I felt. And years after my initial diagnosis, things are better and I know that in future, they can get better again.

Now, the future holds one thing I couldn't feel before.
Hope.