Black hole

My mental health has taken a hit over the last week. Whether it’s down to exhaustion, new stress or an inevitable low after such a positive and happy month – I crashed.

I feel helpless. Like I don’t know how to pull myself out of it.

I keep repeating this month’s resolution to myself – 'Accept Responsibility'.

But it only makes me feel worse.

I am responsible for my own moods. I am responsible for how I feel. For turning this around. For pulling myself out of this black hole.

I know that. But knowing it doesn’t always help. 

I feel like a failure for not being able to pick myself back up; or not being able to stop the tears. 

I am responsible. But does that mean I am responsible for finding myself in this mess too? Should I have done more to look after myself? To take preventative measures against the bad days? Should I have been making the time for self care each day? Should I have avoided alcohol? Should I have handled difficult situations better?

How to take back responsibility and find the right actions? 

I don't know. Right now my head is too fuzzy to even think straight. I can't locate the answers in the darkness.