Are We Happy Yet? Another self-help book promising the keys to happiness

Are We Happy Yet? 8 Keys to a Joyful Life

I've just finished reading Are We Happy Yet? by Lisa Gypes Kamen, yet another self-help book that I thought could teach me the magic skill of rewiring my brain for happiness.

I had high hopes for Are We Happy Yet?. Gypes Kamen reveals early on in the book that she's had her own mental health battles. Self-help books from the perspective of someone who has battled depression are all too rare. I thought that finally, I had found a book written with mental illness and depression in mind. Finally a book that didn't say I should just think positively and think happy thoughts to be happy.

“As a reformed depressed person, I did not wander into my happy place. There was a personal evolution to my happiness revolution.”

The fact that she says 'reformed depressed person' should have been my warning sign that I was wrong.

While Gypes Kamen said she wanted to debunk the annoying yellow "smiley face" notion of happiness, the book does go there.

Apparently there are eight keys to living a joyful life. Who knew that I just had to do eight things to find happiness! In fact some of the tips contained within the eight keys are quite thought provoking. I particularly found the emphasis on not holding grudges and learning not to complain useful, because I am a serial complainer. It made me think about how I can improve my constant need to complain and whine.

But the book also delivers cheesy self-help jargon like - "Happy people are resilient people", or how you should choose to thrive rather than mainly survive.

I liked that the book was full of practical tools like journaling and writing prompts. Early on you're asked to define your happiness factor - you natural level of happiness - through 65 questions. Similar quizzes are evident throughout the book, but how these can be considered in anyway scientific isn't clear. Readers are also encouraged to build a happiness toolkit, another practical and useful activity.

What I didn't like however, was the notion that you can cultivate happiness by playing happy music (because listening to happy music apparently makes it impossible to feel sad).

If you haven't read a lot of self-help books and want to dip your toe in, Are We Happy Yet? might be for you. It references lots of other books and authors, and the level of topics in there is like multiple self-help books rolled into one.

Are We Happy Yet? got me thinking about happiness in my own life.
Am I doing enough of what makes me happy? And what am I looking for when I read these self-help books promising happiness? But I can't say I feel happier having read it.

Until next time,

**I requested to review Are We Happy Yet? from Netgalley.**   

Debunking the mental health myths

As a mental health activist, I'm aware that there are a lot of misconceptions out there when it comes to mental health. For one, we all have mental health (whether good or bad), and mental health should not be synonymous with mental illness. So when I finished a new book all about psychology myths, I knew I'd have to talk about it.

50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology: Shattering Widespread Misconceptions about Human Behavior by Scott O. Lilienfeld, Steven Jay Lynn, John Ruscio, and Barry L. Beyerstein debunks what a lot of us actually believe about human behaviour and mental illness.

Psychological myths can be dangerous. What people think is true about mental illness can perpetuate the stigma and cause harm. And this is the bread and butter of this book - challenging stereotypes that exist thanks to misleading popular culture. Whether its news stories in the media, or what we consume in books and films, what we consume shapes how we think and feel about an issue.

For example, one stigmatising myth that keeps popping up in the media these days is that people with mental illness are dangerous. Whether it's terrorists, murderers, or even President of America, Donald Trump - lately the media is reinforcing the idea that mental illness is dangerous and is used as a justification for heinous crimes (Yes I did say heinous crimes like I was doing the Law & Order voiceover).

Myths like "most mentally ill people are dangerous" are debunked with science, evidence and facts.

And the book tackles this one, because there is no evidence that someone with a mental illness is more dangerous than someone without one. And people with a mental illness are far more likely to be the victims of, rather than the perpetrators, of violence. Yet the media coverage virtually guarantees that many people will think “violence” whenever they hear “mental illness” (Ruscio, 2000). And now I have sources and quotes aplenty for every time I have this argument on Twitter. (Which is a lot.)

That's not the only myth the book tackles - there are 50 of them after all. The media has also shaped, and mislead, public opinion about ECT (electric convulsive therapy) and schizophrenia.

"The misleading stereotype of schizophrenics as persons who act like two completely different people on different occasions has become ingrained in modern culture."

It also lists 10 sources of psychological myths, such as where they come from and why they exist, so that you can bust them yourself.

My favourite thing about the book was that all the self-help nonsense that has sold millions of books and that I've been buying into for years is debunked with clinical trials and research. It definitely helped me to unlearn old habits of thinking. For example, dismissing the 5 stages of grief, or challenging the validity of IQ tests. The book also details the harm these beliefs can lead to - like if we all just dismiss teenager's mood swings as 'normal', it may stop them from seeking and receiving the help and support they may need.

If you have an interest in stigma or even in the science and evidence behind popular beliefs, this book is a good read. It's also filled with puns, which always makes science a bit more fun!

Until next time,

Reading for your mental health | Book prescriptions

Reading has always been a source of education, entertainment, enjoyment and escapism.

And it's something health services are catching on to. Book prescriptions are starting to play a huge role in mental health care, with services recommending mental health-related novels, psychology books and memoirs for patients. See some lists below for reading suggestions.

But reading to help improve your mental health doesn't mean you should only read books about mental health issues.

In fact, often I find books about mental health issues more difficult to read. The content is too relatable. It can end up putting you back in that place of despair, or anxiety rather than helping you break out of it. While psychology and psychiatry books are helpful, it's difficult to learn from them and put their tips into practice while in a depressive state.

For me, reading has always been a form of escapism. I read to escape my mental illness, and I will only read mental health-related books when my own mental health is good.

Last year I found myself turning to books for solace more than I have ever done before. I read every morning on my way to work, on my way home, on every bus, train or plane. I read on days off, on quiet days childminding. I read every spare second I had.

It all started when I joined Goodreads and set a reading challenge of 45 books for the year. I had no idea how many books I read a year before this, but it seemed like something to aspire to; close to, but less than, one a week. By July I had surpassed by goal, reading 72 books by the end of 2017.

And the mental health benefits were extraordinary.

• Cut down on screen time. I spent less time on my phone, in front of my laptop, and generally being aware of my online presence. I forgot to Snapchat what I was doing because my focus was on reading. 

• Sleep better. Because I was reading before I went to sleep, I fell asleep faster and had a better sleep. Limiting your screen time before you go to bed has been proven to lead to better sleep, and the nights where I did this, I definitely felt more rested in the morning. 

• Relieve stress. One of the best things about books, is escaping from the real world and your problems for a little while. After a stressful day at work I used to go home, make a cup of tea and go straight to bed watching Netflix, going over and over my problems in my head until I eventually fall asleep. But reading lets you leave the stress behind. If it's a good story, you get drawn in and forget about your troubles. And after a break from analysing my problems, I usually realise their not that bad after all. Thank goodness I'm not in the Hunger Games. 

• Always had something to talk about. One thing I find really hard about social anxiety, is trying to come up with possible conversation topics in preparation for a conversation occurring. But when you read, you have a endless supply of topics. Whether it's authors, new books, or book recommendations for other people, I have conversation on the tip of my tongue.

• Remind you that you're not alone. When I did read mental health related books, I learned more about myself than therapy could ever teach me. You discover that there are others who feel the exact same way as you do, the way that you thought only you had ever felt in the whole world, and they can describe it so perfectly that you finally realise you are not alone. 

Any book can be your prescription to better mental health, but if you want some suggestions, see the lists below.

Do you find reading helps improve your mental health? Let me know in the comments below.

Until next time,

Discover some mental health book prescriptions:

Children’s Books Ireland and First Fortnight Children’s Reading List

Bibliotherapy- created by the HSE, Dublin City Council Libraries

Read Your Mind- created by Jigsaw Tallaght and South Dublin County Council

Reading Well- Created by Reading Well

Life Lessons for workplace anxiety from Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

One of my January reads this year was the inspiring and motivational Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg. Sandberg draws on her own life experiences from her successful career, juggling motherhood, and the women she has observed in workplaces over the years to give us a detailed account of how women can should and need to lean in to their careers.

The book details 'the leadership gap' where men still hold the higher-level, better-paid positions in workplaces around the world. Sandberg acknowledges the barriers that continue to hold women back and force them out of workplaces, such as motherhood. It's been five years since Lean In was published and nothing has changed. Gender inequality still exists in the workplace.

"...women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self- confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in." 

And having anxiety is just another one of these barriers - where your self-doubt, inabilities and insecurities can play over and over - that often holds people back from reaching their goals whether in the workplace or in their personal life.

Lean In is the perfect New Year read. If there's a better book to set a woman up career-wise for the year ahead, I want to know.

I found myself nodding along and marking up sentences and paragraphs to come back to. There was so much I could relate to in my own workplace. But there was also so much I felt I could learn from and put into practice too. I want to share some of these bits with you today.

To help me build my own confidence in work, and reduce work-related anxiety.

Here are my key life lessons to tackle workplace anxiety from from Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.

Allow yourself to be upset; but then move on.
I love this advice. Sandberg emphasises the importance of acknowledging your sadness, of feeling left out or let down, but also how it's paramount to your mental health to move on.
Okay, okay so this one is not only the first but by far the hardest lesson for me. Moving on is not something I am particularly good at, but I reckon I can start to learn this skill in the workplace. While I love my job, I also find it easier to emotionally detach from work than from most things in my personal life. So where better to learn to move on from being upset? It's okay to be upset, but it's also important to remember that everyone is human, and humans have flaws and make mistakes. Do not hold grudges.

Find the middle ground. 
I feel like I talk too much in team meetings. It's something I've started to become aware of, and anxious about, over the past months. And it's making me self-conscious. Thankfully, this is something Sandberg covered really well in her book having had a similar problem. She suggests that instead you find the middle ground. Instead of butting in when another colleague is asked a question; bite your tongue and feel like you're not speaking enough. Don't butt in and give your opinion unless it's asked for in these circumstances. She also says that the people who feel like they do the opposite in meetings and never speak up should feel like they speak too much. Don't take over, but don't be walked over either.

Seize all opportunities.
"...opportunities are rarely offered; they're seized." Anxiety in the workplace can make you doubt yourself and hold your back. This is particular evident when new opportunities come along. Whether it's a taking on a new role or a promotion, self-doubt can stop you moving forward in your career.  Not only that, but sometimes you have to create a new role for yourself and make your own opportunities to progress. It's not an easy thing to do, but I can make a start. I can put my name forward when a new work comes in, I can actively seek training and courses. I can try to learn new skills that will not only benefit me, but my workplace.

Sharing emotions builds deeper relationships.
It's only week three of the New Year, but I'm already getting practice with this one. I've always been the type of person who went to work to work, not to make friends. I'd get on with my work, what I'm good at, rather than socialising, that which I'm not good at. At the same time, I would worry about what all my colleagues thought of me and distress over how much better they seem to get along with each other than with me. But New Year, New Me. I decided to make more of an effort, and not only that, but to tell my colleagues more about my life. Sandberg says we are more motivated to work with people we care about. So be human with your colleagues. It's okay to talk about your personal life and to be personable.

Be authentic not perfect.
I am, always have been and always will be, a perfectionist. But deep down I also know this is not realistic. Perfection does not exist. It's not easy to change your mindset and stop aiming for perfection. But it is healthy to focus on your authenticity rather than how you failed to be perfect. Being yourself, not putting up a front, and admitting your mistakes and faults is more endearing and human to your colleagues and will get you much further than pretending to be perfect.

Have you read Lean In? What did you think? Do you think these tips could help you tackle workplace anxiety?

Until next time,

50 Ways to Yay - Yay or Nay?

Alexi Panos - 50 Ways to Yay!: Transformative Tools for Less Stress, More Presence, and a Whole Lot of Happy

I've just finished reading 50 Ways to Yay by Alexi Panos on my Kindle.

The book is described in its own introduction as “fifty inspired and thought-provoking lessons and exercises to help you break out of the ordinary and jump into the extraordinary.” It's a mix of philosophy, popular psychology and personal development; all brought together to guide you in becoming the person you want to be. Panos combines her own personal anecdotes with real world reflection and knowledge in her 50 life tips.

"There are many secrets to success and happiness out there, but very few people are actually WILLING to apply them to their lives."

When it comes to goal setting and making New Year’s resolutions, this is the book you want beside you as you make your plans. The tips are broad enough to fit anyone at any time in their life - but they are given specificity through Panos' own personal experiences that she weaves throughout. he book is easy to read. Each chapter is short and succinct, and centred around reaffirming one single point. But putting the theory into action is the hardest part, and it’s the part that can actually make a difference to your life.

The book is designed to help you focus on the little things that make a big difference. Panos herself explains in the opening; “I made this book as fun and easy to digest as I could, so that you can actually TAKE ACTION and experience the results that you’re truly after.”

She likes Caps Lock. A lot. Like, nearly every sentence has to have at least one word in All Caps to reaffirm her point. As a writer, I always find All Caps jarring. It's the type of shouty tone we associate with Trump tweets rather than a self-help book.

"Every time we use the words "I AM" we are sending instructions to our body and mind to think, feel, and act a certain way."

In order to make the most of the book, you really need to be reading it with your journal next to you. Each chapter (or tip) ends with a Mission and Reflection to help you to apply the tip to your own life and start taking steps towards achieving your goals. But I must admit, I didn't use it in that way. While it is unique in offering Panos' own personal insight, it read more like the wise teachings of the Dalai Lama at times, and not in a way that suggests Panos is the next Dalai Lama. The tips offered were not new, it was filled with age-old wisdom passed off as her own thoughts like the below:

“Those who are happy with nothing are happy with everything.”

If you haven't read many other self-help books and want to dip your toe in the water, then this book is for you. If however, like me, this is your 25th self-help book in a year, its content is probably not worth your investment.

Nay.

Find out more about Alexi Panos here.

The Happiness Project

Last week I finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben. Finding herself with a full life built around her, a job, a marriage and two kids, Gretchen realised she wasn't actually happy with her life. The title is cheesy, even the concept of trying to make yourself happier is cheesy, but it's actually a project that hundreds of thousands of people have found helpful.
What happens when you have it all and yet you still aren't happy?

Gretchen decided to actively find ways to improve her happiness. She set up Commandments and Virtues, like Benjamin Franklin's Thirteen Virtues, that would guide her happiness. These included the ever vague, but also inspiring, 'Be Gretchen'.

Autumn Reading List

I'm a read-aholic. It's something I've noticed lately. I race from one book to the next often forgetting to contemplate what has happened in the book I just finished. I also have the compulsion to finish every book I start; even when it's awful (like Miranda Hart's 'Is it just me?' I mentioned in my Summer Reading List). 

However, I am yet to finish Miranda Hart's bio, it remains on my shelf for when my current book supply runs out. In the meantime, here's what I've been hooked on this season:

The Girl on the Train - Paula Hawkins

I feel like this book has been around for ages because I've been seeing it and wanting it for so long. Although I am always skeptical of really popular fiction books - as if they may not be worth the hype; Boy was I wrong to be skeptical with this one. Told from three points of view the story is immediately gripping, because it could be about any of us and the day-to-day lives we witness and play a part in. It's intense and thrilling. 

'Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.'

My little sister has just started reading the Harry Potter books. She's ten years old, and having sat through the rest of the family watching the movies she's ready to embark on the journey right on her own.

About two years ago I gifted her my copy of The Philosophers Stone for Christmas. Her, however, being the the smart little terror that she is, knew it was second-hand and wasn't all that impressed with my present.
Fair enough.

My little sis

It's taken all of that time for her to finally accept that gift and start reading it.
Now, she's on Book 4; The Goblet of Fire. And as I tell her quite often; her journey is really only beginning. Because from here on out the books take a darker route along with their additional 300 pages.

The best thing about my little sister reading Harry Potter though?

August Book Read

How is it the end of August? How has my summer ended already? *insert sad face emoticon here*

Well regardless of how much faster time passes with the older you get, the end of the month spells my monthly Book Review.

The Popular Novel:

The Fault In Our Stars, John Green

You know the plot. Either you've read it already, seen the film, or at least been subject to the hype that surrounds both. Even my mother said 'I saw an ad for that' when I described the book for her.

Basic Plot: Teenage girl (Hazel) has cancer. Teenage girl meets teenage boy (Augustus) in recovery from cancer. They fall in love. But they're kids with cancer, it was never going to end 'Happily Ever After'.

I knew all of this. I didn't start reading the book blindly, in fact I knew exactly how it ended thanks to a spoiler from my loving younger sister. It also wasn't the first John Green novel I read, so I knew to expect his emotional telling of teenage love.

July Book Read

Here’s what I was reading in July.

Being out sick for two weeks of the month gave me loads of extra time to read, so here’s a sample of what I’ve been digesting.

 The ‘New’ Novel

JK Rowling ‘Casual Vacancy’

I finally got around to reading JK Rowling’s first novel since the Harry Potter series at the beginning of this month. I was a massive Harry Potter nerd as I grew up (I still am), so I was worried that Rowling would try too hard with this book to break away from Harry Potter. And in a way, I guess she did. The book is distinctly ADULT. Sex, Drugs, and bad language aren’t typically related to Rowling, but they work. I was captivated by the small English village life that was so thrilling in ITV’s Broadchurch last year. Overall, Casual Vacancy is a pleasant surprise, and Rowling’s post-Potter writing provides a real insight into the class divisions we still face in society today.

The Classic

Virginia Woolfe ‘To The Lighthouse’

Woolfe’s classic tale based on her own childhood holiday has been on my ‘must-read’ list for a while now, but when better to finally get around to reading it then when I was embarking on my own family holiday? To The Lighthouse is actually a very sweet story of family, relationships, and dreams. I loved her narrative style, allowing readers inside the characters minds, but my favourite section was Part II as she described the passage of time. I found it haunting and mesmerising. And it is obvious why Woolfe is one of the most renowned writers of the past century.  

The History Book

Martin Meredith ‘The State of Africa’

I’ve been reading more history books since I completed my History degree than I did while doing it (Which doesn’t seem quite right...) African history, for whatever reason, isn’t something you’re taught in school, but the book provides a basic grounding on the most recent African history since Independence. It’s the background to the stories that we’ve seen on the news for years; Civil Wars, Genocide, the Aids Epidemic. It’s a massive book, but every nation has its story to tell and this book tells it well.

The Guilty Pleasure

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly

I’ve read three Ross O’Carroll-Kelly books this month, in fact I read the three of them in under a week...   I have a real weakness for the South Dublin chronicles. Having lived in South Dublin for the past four years the reality and accuracy of Paul Howard’s portrayal of Ross’ life makes the fiction all the more enjoyable. I’ve met and know too many people that fit the D4 stereotype. The Miseducation Years, This Champagne Mojito is the Last Thing I Own, and The Oh My God Delusion chart the peak and crash of the Celtic Tiger in Ireland, and to be honest, Ross O’Carroll-Kelly will definitely be making my August Book Read list too...  

Any book suggestions for me? Just let me know in the comments below, or tweet me @ZoeAlicia101