May’s moments of happiness

One thing that really helps me appreciate the little things and build up my mental health, is taking the time to reflect on the good and the positive. It's why I add one thing to be thankful for to my Gratitude Jar at the end of every day.

In what’s been a stressful month, I want to reflect on the moments that brought me joy over the past four weeks. So here are my May moments of happiness.

The sunshine!

Every time I felt the heat of the sun on my arm was special. We get so little sun in Ireland that 16° Celsius is considered shorts weather. We were blessed in May with a number of sunny spells and warm weekends. And I soaked it up. Thankfully, due to volunteering with the campaign to repeal the 8th, I got to spend a lot of time on those sunny days outside. When I wasn't volunteering, I explored the city in the sun (and saw the amazing overhead umbrellas), or lay out on the grass with a cider and a book.

Getting home for the first time in six weeks

Finally, on May 25th, I got home for the first time in AGES. And it was sunny that weekend which made it extra special. Highlights include:

• My sister swimming in the lake.
• Seeing my pets for cuddles. 
• Meeting our new pet rabbit Billie Pickle. He jumps right up into your lap for cuddles.
• Family dinner with my gran.
• Ice cream.

Home truly is where my heart is, and with my weekend work finishing up now, I hope to spending a lot more time there over the summer.

The amazing women I met on the campaign trail to repeal the 8th.
May was one of the most empowering months of my life. I joined the campaign to repeal the 8th amendment of the Irish constitution in mid-April, and spent as much time as I could spare in May on the campaign trail. More than anything, it is the incredible women I met along the way that will stick with me forever. The strength, the laughs, the solidarity. The random acts of kindness we were blessed with - like donuts and ice-cream, or buying each other bottles of water or lucozade after a long canvass.

Walking Darkness Into Light
It seems like so long ago since me and some of the girls I work with got up at 3am for a 5k walk for suicide prevention. But on Saturday May 12th, that's exactly what we did.  I have always wanted to do Darkness into Light, but over the years I've always ended up working that Saturday. I've also battled with the idea of taking part in it. Would the walk be too emotional for me? Would it stir up old feelings of suicide and self-harm? Am I emotionally ready for this?

Turns out yes I was. While it was deeply moving, how could it not be, it was also inspiring and I proud to walk from darkness into the light with my friends.

Getting my reading mojo back
In March and April I really struggled to find the time and motivation to read. But in May this all changed. Maybe it the books I picked, or the fact that I needed escapism from a cruel and often callous campaign, but I read and read and read. My top pick of the month is the feminist retelling of The Little Mermaid that you didn't know you needed in your life - The Surface Breaks by Irish author Louise O'Neill. During May I also enjoyed Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and The Girl Before by JP Delaney.

Until next time,

Are We Happy Yet? Another self-help book promising the keys to happiness

Are We Happy Yet? 8 Keys to a Joyful Life

I've just finished reading Are We Happy Yet? by Lisa Gypes Kamen, yet another self-help book that I thought could teach me the magic skill of rewiring my brain for happiness.

I had high hopes for Are We Happy Yet?. Gypes Kamen reveals early on in the book that she's had her own mental health battles. Self-help books from the perspective of someone who has battled depression are all too rare. I thought that finally, I had found a book written with mental illness and depression in mind. Finally a book that didn't say I should just think positively and think happy thoughts to be happy.

“As a reformed depressed person, I did not wander into my happy place. There was a personal evolution to my happiness revolution.”

The fact that she says 'reformed depressed person' should have been my warning sign that I was wrong.

While Gypes Kamen said she wanted to debunk the annoying yellow "smiley face" notion of happiness, the book does go there.

Apparently there are eight keys to living a joyful life. Who knew that I just had to do eight things to find happiness! In fact some of the tips contained within the eight keys are quite thought provoking. I particularly found the emphasis on not holding grudges and learning not to complain useful, because I am a serial complainer. It made me think about how I can improve my constant need to complain and whine.

But the book also delivers cheesy self-help jargon like - "Happy people are resilient people", or how you should choose to thrive rather than mainly survive.

I liked that the book was full of practical tools like journaling and writing prompts. Early on you're asked to define your happiness factor - you natural level of happiness - through 65 questions. Similar quizzes are evident throughout the book, but how these can be considered in anyway scientific isn't clear. Readers are also encouraged to build a happiness toolkit, another practical and useful activity.

What I didn't like however, was the notion that you can cultivate happiness by playing happy music (because listening to happy music apparently makes it impossible to feel sad).

If you haven't read a lot of self-help books and want to dip your toe in, Are We Happy Yet? might be for you. It references lots of other books and authors, and the level of topics in there is like multiple self-help books rolled into one.

Are We Happy Yet? got me thinking about happiness in my own life.
Am I doing enough of what makes me happy? And what am I looking for when I read these self-help books promising happiness? But I can't say I feel happier having read it.

Until next time,

**I requested to review Are We Happy Yet? from Netgalley.**   

We Don't Have to be Happy all the Time

I set out on 01 January with one goal - find happiness.

To say that I have succeeded however, is not so simple. I can't say that I am happy now, because right now, in this very moment, I feel far from happiness. I'm on the brink of a breakdown, but I'm veering on the side of safe.

BUT I can say with all honesty that I am happier than the person I was on 31 December 2015.

"Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination we deem valuable." - Tal Ben-Shahar, Happier

You see, happiness isn't defined in the moment. (And THANK GOD, right? Because I am SO not there). Happiness is defined by the journey, the ups and the downs, the highs and the lows.

It's about all the moments, the bigger picture, the overall state of your life.

State of your life is an acceptable term, right?

This year I have found this overarching level of happiness. While I may not be happy right now, I am happy. And here's how I know:

• I actually have the self-confidence to yell Woohoo in zumba class and mean it.

• I can say hello to someone and not have a freakin' panic attack over what they must think of me.

• Phone calls are not my worst enemy.

• I was not even the teeniest bit embarrassed when a coworker wore an almost identical outfit as me.

• I know that I am loved. And I feel loved.

• I put a picture of me sans make-up on the internet and didn't give a damn.

• I took this one photo that I was ridiculously proud of.

So for those of you out there looking at this list and thinking 'What the actual hell? These little things do not equate to happiness', I respectfully disagree. For me, happiness is all of these things. They may seem like small, otherwise insignificant moments to some of you, but to me they are the feeling of victory over my mental illness.
For me, happiness is feeling self-assured, having self-worth, and being your perfectly awesome self.

Life is full of delightful treasures - what Oprah Winfrey calls the 'ahhh moments' in her book What I Know For Sure. The 'ahhh moments' let you know that you've found your little bit of happiness.

You don't have to be happy all of the time. You just need those 'ahhh moments' to remind you that you are here, you are happy, and you are loved.

The Happiest City in the World

In mid-February I managed to take self care to a whole new level and traveled to Copenhagen, Denmark.

Christiansborg palace

Scientifically, Denmark is the happiest country in the world and, by default, Copenhagen has been named the happiest city.

Immersing myself in a world of  happiness seemed perfect for my Romeo Project. When Sarah suggested the trip, I immediately saw the link between a relaxing holiday and my self-improvement programme. Why not just say 'yes'?
Joined by three lovely ladies, I headed out on an adventure with very little knowledge of what to expect when it came to currency, weather, or sightseeing.

Finding My Happy Place

The Romeo Project quest for happiness has so far led me to explore my authentic self and turn self care into a daily habit.

But I also want to find my Happy Place, and what better time to discover where that is than in a month dedicated to treating myself?

But what on earth is a Happy Place?

“Our natural state is to be happy” –says Michael James in ‘Happiness and the Art of Being’. But I disagree. For me, being happy is something I've had to work on. Would I have to dedicate a whole 10 month self-improvement programme to happiness if it came to me naturally?

As anyone with a mental illness knows, your illness means that you often aren’t close to being in your natural state, yet alone happy. I found it hard to experience any feelings whatsoever in the grips of depression, succumbing to emptiness and numbness.

Instead, I believe that our natural state is neutral; somewhere in between happiness and sadness. Life events and our own mindset determine whether we verge up the scale towards happiness or down to sadness.
I have to take steps, conscious efforts, to help me move up the scale to happiness. Whether it's my anti-depressants that lift me back into a neutral state, or my blog that helps me work through the hard times by writing about them, happiness is an endeavor for me. But if I find my Happy Place, I wonder if maybe finding happiness will be easier for me?

Do we have time for happiness?

Since I started exploring happiness with The Romeo Project, something that has consistently come up in the self-help literature is how time consuming the pursuit of happiness is.

As part of my month of Self Care,  I want to improve my happiness through the little things. 

It's about finding the time, and making the time, to bring in a little bit of happiness into our daily lives.

Currently, my answer to that question is no. Right now I feel overwhelmed by all I am trying to juggle; two jobs, volunteer work, teaching evening classes, blogging... How am I even meant to have a social life, yet alone a relationship, when I have so many other commitments? I spend so much time rushing from one place to the next, catching up on what I did miss from one evening to the next. I definitely do not feel like I have time happiness.

But often the little things that make us happy don't take up a lot of time. 

Source

This Huffington Post article from 2014 looks at the little things that require minimal time and effort to make you happy. They argue that according to Science, you do have time for happiness. No excuses.
Happiness can be found in the little things we do every day. And right now, I am grasping for it.

Here are the Huffington Post suggestions I want to incorporate into my day to day life this month.

Smile - I could definitely smile more. I do love that feeling when a stranger smiles at you, or when you greet a work colleague with a big smile in the morning. It releases endorphin's in both the smiler, and the other person on the receiving end.

Seeking Authentic Happiness

What is authentic happiness?

The concept of happiness is such an indeterminate one that even though everyone wishes to attain happiness, yet he can never say definitely and consistently what it is that he really wishes and wills. – Immanuel Kant

As it is the beginning of my Romeo Project and the month of Be Authentic, I wanted to explore authentic happiness.

Little did you know mere mortal, there is a difference between happiness, and genuine real authentic happiness. At least according to all these writers who make their money off of selling the secret to real happiness.

Be Authentic: Intro

“He tried to keep on the right side of power, tried to be loyal to so many things that he himself couldn’t tell which one of his selves was the authentic, if any.” 

– Kiran Desai, The Inheritance of Loss

Authenticity can be a meaningless cliché.

Out of my list of resolutions, Be Authentic is probably the one that most seems like I’m regurgitating a typical self-help phrase.

For something supposedly about being real and genuine, the phrase often feels more precocious than a representation of reality.

I’ve often associated authenticity with identity. It's about who we are and what we stand for. About letting the real you shine through. To live your life authentically, you stay true to yourself.

But who I am has changed dramatically over the years.
Sure I was once a red-haired, lip pierced girl. But I don’t mean that I have just changed physically. My likes, my values and my beliefs have changed too.

What's All This About Happiness?

The world is obsessed with attaining happiness. It’s become an over-hyped and commodifiable concept. Countless self-help books claim they can help you achieve it. But it always seems out of our reach.

But why are we so determined to have it?

And when did the search for fulfilling happiness begin?

The Pursuit of Happiness

“The pursuit of human happiness, it would seem, has been with us from the start.” 

Darrin M McMahon

Well, the search for happiness has been ongoing throughout history. In Greek Tragedies happiness was in the hands of chance, or with the gods. Not something achievable by our own hands. It wasn’t until Socrates insisted that happiness lies within our own reach that humans finally began to think
that they were responsible for their own fate.

The Happiness Project

Last week I finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben. Finding herself with a full life built around her, a job, a marriage and two kids, Gretchen realised she wasn't actually happy with her life. The title is cheesy, even the concept of trying to make yourself happier is cheesy, but it's actually a project that hundreds of thousands of people have found helpful.
What happens when you have it all and yet you still aren't happy?

Gretchen decided to actively find ways to improve her happiness. She set up Commandments and Virtues, like Benjamin Franklin's Thirteen Virtues, that would guide her happiness. These included the ever vague, but also inspiring, 'Be Gretchen'.

The Bad Habits of Unhappy People

I do a regular read of things mental health related on the internet. It's partly for my own mental health, but mainly because I like to know what's going in the field, both in Ireland and internationally. This brings me to a lot of blogs. Some are breathtakingly poignant pieces about personal experiences that bring me to tears, some are scientific, and others, like this one, are meant as self-help guides.
Steven Aitchison is a writer and blogger on mental health and positive thinking. He believes that if you 'change your thoughts, you change your life.' He makes it sound so easy...
With contributing authors, the blog discusses all things mental health related.

What I'm interested in writing about today is how bad habits affect your happiness. Steve Roy wrote this post 'Ten Destructive Habits Unhappy People Have' on the site. The idea, is that you can class who is happy or unhappy by how they act/think. In turn, by changing these habits, you can become happy.

I decided to go through his list and try to prove that not all 'unhappy' people share the same traits. Also, I consider myself to be quiet a happy person. This is not conflicting with my depression; I believe you can be generally happy and still have depressive episodes. So here's the list: