Appreciate the Journey Conclusion

"Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well." - Voltaire

My June journey has come to a close. It's been a month of highs and lows and I spent the majority of my resolution to 'Appreciate the Journey’ struggling internally.

If you ever wanted a test case of how unpredictable mental illness can be, take my month as an example. I had hoped to complete my bucket list of fun and exciting new things to do. Instead I spent any evenings or days off on my bed, frantically colouring-in to avoid my own tangled mind.
I didn’t give myself time to process my thoughts. I didn’t want to. Most of my time was tied up with work, or travelling with work. I had to move house. I had to say goodbye to housemates I’d lived with for three years. I had to cope without my biggest support for almost 3 weeks.
I kept putting myself down, doubting my accomplishments and my experience for a new job. I kept imagining ‘what if’ scenarios.  I spent most of my days waiting for a message from the boyfriend in France to ensure he was still alive; as my mind kept inventing detailed scenarios in which he wasn’t.
I wanted to stop blogging. Not just for the month, but forever. I didn’t see the point. I felt the shame of my own failures. I felt embarrassed that people could link my blog back to me, the offline real-life person.

Reason after reason for feeling ungrateful circulated my mind. It was hard to find any positives, or anything to appreciate.

However, as the month comes to a close I do not want to end on a negative note. When I write about mental illness I like to show that there is hope and light out there, even when I cannot find or feel it myself. As I wrote on Tuesday, there are always moments - beautiful moments of hope that we can appreciate, even when we feel ungrateful.

So to finish off this month’s resolution I have found taken the time to write a list of things that are worth appreciating. Despite what your mind might tell you, there's always something wonderful if you look hard enough for it.

My Week in Photos #4

This week has been another busy one; but despite continuing to balance two jobs, my mood was positively and firmly boasted. From Wednesday on I felt more relaxed, happy and able to manage the never-ending pressure and stress of work. The source of this new joy? Possibly the impending return of my boyfriend from his three-week trip. Or maybe the fact that the end of Job No. 2 was in sight, and I could finally spend a weekend with the family.

Either way, my photos of the week reflect this new mindset. I made the most of my weekend off to get outdoors. I finished three books in the space of two days. I had more energy to commit to Job No.1. All in all, it's been a good 7 days.

Wednesday 22nd June - Everyday I get to walk past this beautiful piece of stone work. Why this nautical image appears on a building on Dame Street, I don't know. But I love it. And walking by it reminds me of the calmness of the ocean.

Thursday 23rd June - The sun finally came back (albeit only briefly), and I snapped this quick shot on the Ha'penny bridge on my way to work.

Moments

This month hasn't always been easy. Depression can come unannounced and give you a beating. You're left on the sidelines for days, struggling to make it back on the pitch. But just because my mental illness came back swinging doesn't mean that there aren't moments to cling to - moments of happiness.

“Moments never stay, whether or not you ask them, they do not care, no moment cares, and the ones you wish could stretch out like a hammock for you to lie in, well, those moments leave the quickest and take everything good with them, little burglars, those moments, those hours, those days you loved the most.” ― Catherine Lacey, 'Nobody Is Ever Missing'

I discovered this quote today which reminded me of the importance of moments.

They don't tell the whole story. Often they vary off on their own tangent, with little respect for sticking to the main narrative. But they are important. Moments provide light in the dark; hope in the midst of a raging sea of depression. Moments are what we cling to, look back on, feed off. Moments are our sign from the universe that there are good days, the bad days don't last, there is hope.

Appreciate the Natural World

"I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.'" - Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

This weekend I am delving into nature. After 18 straight days of work without a day off, I finally have time to myself. And the first thing I wanted to do was head straight back home to the countryside.
As a child I was an outdoors type of girl. Often, I was called a tom boy for climbing trees, rolling down hills, and exploring in bushes and behind rocks. This sense of exploration is something we often lose as we grow up. But I've been learning that we still need to make time to appreciate the world around us.

Mindfulness

And when it comes to appreciation, where better to start than mindfulness?

In ‘Mindfulness and the Natural World’ by Claire Thompson, Thompson urges us to use the natural world to find inner calm, sense of purpose and gain perspective.

"So many of us rarely take time to appreciate the beauty of the sunlight through the new leaves on the trees or the peace there is in feeling a gentle breeze against our faces."

For her, mindfulness and nature are interlinked. Taking a step outside or, better yet, finding a forest or city park to sit in can bring us closer to nature and offer escapism from our everyday lives. But rather than the natural world only being looked to as a break away from from city life, Thompson argues that we need to appreciate the nature around us every day. And her book is full of tips for how we can do that. She suggests we use our senses to take in the natural world. Whether it’s the smell of summer flowers, the sound of bees buzzing or just the very fact that the air we breathe is oxygen created by plants, using our senses help us to be mindful and centred in the present moment.

My Week in Photos #3

It's been a difficult week. For the past fortnight I've been working 7 days a week, and I'm starting to feel the effects. I'm worn out, run down, and seriously wishing I'd pre-booked a nice holiday to help me unwind. This week's My Week in Photos reflects my hectic schedule. There was no time to get outdoors, or divert from my usual routine. A lot of the photos were taking on my way to or from work. The rest were taken at my desk.

In fact, it was hard to find the motivation to take any photographs this week. To me, they felt mundane. I didn't see the point in sharing them. But I am proud that I persevered with my challenge, and although it hasn't been exciting, this was my week.

Wednesday 15th June - Making a Father's Day card for my Dad.

Thursday 16th June - Thursday was Bloomsday, so I grabbed a quick snap of the Ulysses characters on my way home from work.

Friday 17th June - I made a detour on my way to work to find this Roy Keane mural put up for the Euros.

Saturday 18th June - I treated myself to some macrons for the weekend. Because you always deserve macrons.

Sunday 19th June - My goals for the week weren't exactly awe-inspiring. But honestly, making it through the next 5 days without having a total mental breakdown is essential.

Monday 20th June - A pre-work selfie in my bare room as I prepare to move out for the summer.

Tuesday 21st June - After working until 11pm on Monday evening, and getting to my conference at 7:30 am on Tuesday morning, I desperately needed this caffeine and chocolate pick-me-up.

Go Somewhere New

Since the beginning of January I have been actively trying to fulfill my resolution to appreciate the journey.
Even though this month has been a struggle, with bad mental health and a struggle to find the positive in any day, I have had six months of my Romeo Project to explore new places and gain new experiences.
My resolutions aren't just one per month - they're for the whole year. And so I've been embracing adventure after adventure during the year. I cannot embark on new journeys at present. My mental health and my hectic work schedule won't allow me. But I have done so much this year already. So why not celebrate that?
Today I am celebrating the journeys I have taken so far this year. Guided by my little green 'plans for world domination' notebook of places to explore, I have set out this year with one mission: Go Somewhere New.

Visited Copenhagen
In February I ended up on a long weekend stay in Copenhagen. The city had so many palaces and folklore sites to explore. You can read about my Scandinavian adventures in search of happiness here.

Acts of Gratitude

"Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

Never underestimate how inspiring a simple act of gratitude can be.

As I struggled to find appreciation this week, I was reminded that gratitude is not something we have to feel. While the self-help books continually urge us to be grateful for what we have, they often miss the bigger picture. Sometimes what we feel and how we act don’t have to be in sync.

Gratitude is a way of expressing our appreciation for the journey we're on. It’s easy to spout gratitude rhetoric.
“I’m grateful for the air I breathe and the spring in my step.” 
Who really wakes up first thing in the morning and thinks that?
My first thoughts are, “Thank God I didn’t sleep in and miss my alarm.”

Rhetoric is meaningless without grateful acts to back it up. So even though I have been feeling crap, alone and pretty ungrateful for my mental illness, I have shown others how much they mean to me.