New Year, New You?

I try not to buy into the New Year and sense of imminent change and endless possibility that comes with it, but like a lot of you, I succumb to resolutions and goal setting.

I love a good goal, task, resolution, basically anything I can tick off a list. It gives me a sense of achievement and accomplishment. And to be honest I've been very excited to start using my new 2018 journal which I've tailor made to help me make small, everyday improvements to my mental health. So Happy New Year, here's to my new planner.

But on New Year's Eve as I sat down to write my 2018 resolutions, I realised they were the same as the goals I had set last year.

• Improve body confidence i.e. for the love of God exercise and stop biting your nails.
• Make more of an effort with friends i.e. please stop dropping off the face of the planet and start messaging people back.
• Save money i.e. stop buying yourself gifts when you're sad, stop spending all your money on books, and no ordering subscription boxes (not a single one!).
• Question negative thoughts i.e. it's not possible for everyone to hate me, because I don't know everyone in the world now, do I? 

I hadn't achieved what I'd set out to in 2017. Change didn't last, it came in spurts before petering out. I quit the gym, I bit all of my nails down to the skin, I did not reach my savings goal. I felt like a failure. What's the point of making the same resolutions every year if I don't get anywhere?

New Year, New Me

I always harp on about how there's no quick-fix to mental health problems. There's no magic cure, no pill, no meditation that will resolve everything forever. It doesn't work like that. And as all of my resolutions relate to and impact on my mental health, they should be the same.  

Similarly life, like resolutions to improve my life, is constant, it's ongoing. So why shouldn't my resolutions continue? 

Sure, I wish I did more last year to work on my goals, but everyday, not just every year, is a fresh chance to do this. As disheartening as it was to reflect on how I hadn't reached my goals or kept my promises, making improvements and changes to your life shouldn't be a once-off event. You have to keep a change going forever, otherwise it never changed. 

So I'm adding a new resolution to the list this year. The new and improved 2018 model Zoe will try to be less hard on herself. Yes, it's healthy to set goals and inspire yourself to make positive changes, but so what if they take time? 

Real change doesn't happen overnight. 

This, like all my resolutions, is a process. 

Thinking about the future

For many reasons, the future can be scary. We don't know what's to come, or even what to expect. It's full of uncertainty and doubt.

The future can be, and has been for me, a problem for our mental health. Not knowing potential outcomes can lead to overthinking, negative thinking and patterns of self-doubt and criticism.

For a long time, I saw no future for myself. And when I did learn to keep on live, I couldn't see any happiness or success in my future.

But I'm also learning that the future isn't all bad.

Where to go from here?

One of my favourite things about January, is making New Year plans, goals and resolutions. and my bullet journal has come out in force the past week in preparation. So much so, that I've found myself actually looking forward to the year ahead and what it might have in store for me.

I've set myself several goals for the year; without going into specifics they revolve around the themes of self-confidence, budgeting, and upskilling.

And I've established a habit tracker to help me break my bad habits and develop new, better habits (yes, exercise is one of them).

I've been writing down birthdays, concerts, musicals, anniversaries and other upcoming events.

And it's left me this week feeling calm, good about myself, and somewhat like I-may-possibly-have-my-life-together. Possibly.

You see, in the darkness of my depression, during the worst days and the worst years, I couldn't see a future. The thought of one filled me with dread. Because despite everyone saying things do and would get better, I didn't feel it.

It took years of work, hard work of CBT and medication and counselling and the sheer effort of forcing myself to get out of bed and carry on, to change the way I felt. And years after my initial diagnosis, things are better and I know that in future, they can get better again.

Now, the future holds one thing I couldn't feel before.
Hope.

New Year's Resolutions for Self Care

As we all start to set goals and New Year's resolutions for 2017, it's worth remembering that the most important promises we can make are to look after ourselves.

When you set your New Year's resolutions this year, remember that goals don’t have to be big or external to you.

The little things have a huge impact on our mental health, and underpinning the acts of self care that work for you in your goals for the New Year can make all the difference.

To help you focus on the little things you can implement to improve your mental health and practice self care, I've thought up a few suggestions that you can include in your 2017 resolutions.

Here are FIVE of the things you can do to look after your mental health in 2017.

1. Take time out. A huge part of self care is having me-time. Social interaction is EXHAUSTING for me. No matter how much I like you, I also need time by myself too. I get overwhelmed by social occasions, even a day at work, and need to unwind afterwards with a cup of herbal tea, chilling in bed, or colouring-in.
2. Get outside. Fresh air, a walk in the forest, a brief spot of exercise, sitting on a park bench - it doesn't matter what you do when you get outside. Just be there, let the fresh air hit your lungs and you will start to feel calmer and more at peace. This is something I definitely need to do more of in 2017. 
3. Get offline. Whether it's for one day in a weekend or just one evening a week, try to limit the amount of time you spend in front of a screen, and particularly on social media. Social media can be damaging to your mental health, and often more specifically your self-esteem (I'm talking about all those group photos from a night out that you weren't on), so give yourself a well-deserved break. 
4. Try something new. Whether it's a CBT class, yoga, or even a gym membership put your money where your mind is and commit to trying something new for your mental health. Sure, you might find it's not for you but that's okay. If you hadn't tried first, you'd never know. 
5. Make a self care box. Seriously, I cannot plug this enough. Not only is it cute and pretty, but it’s just a relief to know you have a safe place to turn when you’re feeling down. See more on creating a self care box here. 

And there are so many others that you could add to this list and commit to in 2017.

I wish you all the best in the New Year - to a happier and more positive 2017!

My Romeo Project Resolutions

The Romeo Project, a 10 month life re-design will be guided by my Ten New Year’s Resolutions.
Finding a place to start for any self-improvement project is the hardest part, so for The Romeo Project I’ve been reading around the subject of happiness and self-improvement for the past few months.

In the texts (you can check them all out so far here) there were a lot of common themes. Whether it's books about Happiness, Managing Depression, or why your Twenties matter these were the sort of themes that emerged – living with authenticity, self-belief, stop saying ‘if only’, de-clutter, don’t expect praise or appreciation, appreciate the little things, practice mindfulness…

The Ten Resolutions I've picked combine a number of the recurring themes from the self-help literature. But they also were the themes that felt relevant to me. My Ten Resolutions allow me to explore recovery as much as happiness. It was important for me to find a balance between pursuing happiness and learning to move out of the shadow of my depression, and I think these Resolutions achieve this.

The Resolutions will guide me for the year, and each month I’ll examine one resolution in depth with a series of tasks built around that resolution.

Take a look at the breakdown of my year below:

New Year, New Goals

Okay, so I have a Memories Jar to remind me of the best bits of my year. But in 2015 I also want to try settings goals; things I want to achieve in the year.

I've read a lot about Goal-Setting as a great tool when it comes to Mental Health with its motivational benefits, having targets and a clearer sense of focus, and ease of measuring achievements (not to mention the actual feelings of achievement.)

I started this goals list back in September - 23 things I want to try before I'm 23. (I found it on Pinterest, but no creater was linked to it so I'm sorry I haven't credited them!)

23 things I want to try before I'm 23

I've decided that out of sheer laziness this will also suffice as my New Year Goals list.

2014 Review / New Year (woo!)

On January 1st 2014 I decided I needed to remember the good things.

The thing about a mental illness is that you tend to fixate on a negative. Or lots of negatives.

So the new year brought with it a chance for me to -

1. try to focus on the good things
2. find the positives
3. use a spare diary I got for Christmas
4. make a New Years Resolution I might actually stick to for once

And so, the Book of Gratitude was born. The aim? That every single day of 2014, no matter how shit my day was and no matter how low my mood, I should try to find something to be thankful for.